Evolving through Adversity: Awakening with Daniel Lawson

We're honored to spotlight Daniel Lawson, a man who dared to brave the storms for a life of personal freedom. When the clock struck midnight on the last day of 2018, the crushing pressure of repeating the same corporate grind led Daniel to an awakening. He set himself on an audacious journey to replace his high-powered lifestyle with the freedom of travel and a stream of income that didn’t chain him to a desk.

Daniel faced both internal and external tribulations as he navigated his path to liberation. The fear of judgment was a constant companion, while the reactions from family and peers tested his resolve. Yet, he emerged victorious, creating 'Parallax Apparel' – his brand, his dream. His philosophy of 'choice effect' became his guiding light, a beacon that led him to an impartial advisor and the world of affiliate marketing that changed his life.

But the journey wasn’t just about swapping a six-figure salary with an adventuresome lifestyle. We delve deeper into what it means to understand our true wants and needs, often concealed by societal and cultural conditioning. We unearth the importance of self-forgiveness, the role of guilt and, how to rid oneself of judgments and insecurities. We also discuss the perils of comparisons and the power of gratitude. Listen to Daniel's riveting story, reflect on your life choices, and perhaps, you too will find the courage to step out of the hamster wheel and into a life of purpose.

Connect with Daniel!!
https://www.facebook.com/DanielLawson13
https://www.instagram.com/daniel.lawson__/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/daniel-lawson-67438662/
https://www.parallaxxtransformations.com/

Detailing the promotion of Hey White Boy - Conversations Of Redemption

Transcript

Sonny Von Cleveland: 1:02

And welcome back choice makers. Welcome to the show where we pull back the curtain on the life defining moments of our esteemed guests. Today, I'm absolutely thrilled to have a guest whose daring decision reshaped the trajectory of his life. Please let me welcome Daniel Lawson. Daniel, how are you doing, buddy?

Daniel Lawson: 1:22

Thank you so much, so, so good man, so good. Thank you for having me here. It's such a pleasure I was just reflecting on coming today, sunday, reflecting throughout the day to come and join you on this podcast, and it's such a pleasure and such an honor to be here, part of your journey. I know that you're doing incredible things and so thank you so much.

Sonny Von Cleveland: 1:38

Thanks, man. I greatly appreciate you have. You're an inspiring guy. I've done some research, looked it up, and you are an inspiring dude. How old are you?

Daniel Lawson: 1:49

At 35 now.

Sonny Von Cleveland: 1:50

Right, Just 35 years old. And I mean you are, if I, if I'm being honest, you're just, you are like the template of what a 35 year old in 2023 should be and should be doing. Man, Kudos to you for everything that you're doing and on all your accomplishments. Man, let's just dive right in and go deep. Man, let's start at the very beginning. Take us back to that monumental decision that set everything in motion for Daniel Lawson.

Daniel Lawson: 2:19

Yeah, there is. There's a few of them, but the main one that I'd love to cover today. I used to reflect on it going you know what. It seems like a bit of a cliche, but as I've shared this with other people, I realized that there are so many people that are stuck in the position that I was in and, if I can give a bit of backstory of how it came to be, was through my 20s I loved.

Daniel Lawson: 2:45

I'm from New Zealand. New Zealand's a very far place away in the world, so when we travel, we need to travel far and wide and make the most of it, because it's expensive and as far as time consuming. But every time I traveled I'd go overseas. I came over to the United States and Canada and every time I traveled it was like this high, this big ration, I come down. And it would be like I come down, Everything would in my life would crash and burn and I had to go back to work. And I did that a few times and I made a pledge to myself I wasn't going to travel again until I discovered how I could leave and not necessarily have to come home and the pursuit of doing that. Somehow I lost my way. I didn't see the opportunities that I needed or I didn't know how to figure it out at that stage. So I succumbed to what society suggests we do is go and get a really good job. And I thought this is when I was about 28 and I was like, okay, I've had my fun in my 20s travelling around, gullivanting around the world and I had such a great time. It was really good. I learned so much about myself and about life and about cultures and food and everything else, learned languages, and I was like, okay, well, maybe it's time to get real in life, maybe it's time to grow up and I had to go and do the things that I'm supposed to be doing to make, you know, become the part of society that society wants or needs me to be. So I went out and I got an education and things I knew how to kind of apply myself and I ended up getting into recruitment and sales and then business development manager for this tech company and it was ASX.

Daniel Lawson: 4:13

So I was in Australia at the stage in Sydney ASX 200 company and it was incredible Like I had the high six figure income. I had an Audi S5 convertible sports car, which was awesome. I used to turn around with the roof down and music playing too loud, so everyone would look at me and I was like, yeah, I'm the man. I had the apartment and, you know, and the office is beautiful, I would overlook the waterfront. I had the AMEX credit card.

Daniel Lawson: 4:40

I'd be traveling back and forth to New Zealand, so I was going back to visit my family, but also you know my love for travel and, like, the sales target's got harder and harder. I remember it was the last day of 2018. The pressure was on to get my last sales thing come through the door. Like the last sales target was 50 grand off and I landed this deal with the New Zealand government. It was 50 grand and I was like, oh my God, I did it because the pressure was so high, it was so much.

Daniel Lawson: 5:10

I'd sit there looking out the window and all I wanted to do was kite surf and it was all kind of turning around within me and going, what am I doing here as the pressure come on and my brother was out kite surfing and kiteboarding and I was tapping back into the way that I wanted to live my life and I realized that I'd become almost soulless, you know, with all the external beautiful things that I'd attracted and it was a middle management position. It was kind of like it was one of the biggest goals. It probably was, at the time, the biggest goal that I ever achieved and through achieving it I realized that I had sold my soul. I was dead inside. I had no relationship with really good relationships with friends, intimate relationship, very little relationship with myself. I didn't know what I wanted. I was totally lost and my world was crumbling. All I had was I love the saying of like zero is in the zero is in the account, for zero is in my life. Right, my life is a pinup.

Sonny Von Cleveland: 6:08

He did all the external things and internally was the bank account was empty.

Daniel Lawson: 6:13

That was and that was it. And so when I, when I closed that deal on the last day of the year it was awesome I was like shit, yeah, I got the. You know, I got the commissions that come through the pressure lifted. But there's a part of me that said you're going to have to come back and do all that again next year. I tried to like that one.

Sonny Von Cleveland: 6:29

Renton repeat.

Daniel Lawson: 6:31

That was it. And not only that, the sales targets go up. So I was like, well, future Dan could figure that out. We're going on summer break. You know it was the last you know Australian summer. We went up the Queensland coast, we went kite surfing. I was with my brother. I came back, I came back into the office and I say it was this the smell of PTSD, and you know, I've never had real PTSD, but like that's the way that I describe it that was the effect that I feel like it had on my internal system. The smell of it, like it just brought back this, this crushing feeling of going. I can't be here, I can't do this anymore, like I I need my life. I'd sold it away, and so I didn't even talk to anyone apart from a manager. I said, no, I can't do this. So basically, I just went and I resigned on the spot first day back to 2019 and walked out of the office and that was your choice right.

Sonny Von Cleveland: 7:23

That was the choice and that's corporate burnout. Corporate burnout is such an under discussed thing and it's because when you have companies like AmEx, like they, they take care of their employees where we wouldn't say that they won't, but they run through them. They churn and they churn and burn. They burn through their employees. They pay you great money but they burn you. But after that amazing choice, we are now sitting with the dynamic founder of both the parallax apparel and parallax transformations, the ingenious author behind the three toxic lies and the creator of what's acclaimed as the most valuable progress journal to date. Daniel was such an impressive titles under your belt. I'm curious how do you help others unlock their potential as a peak performance coach?

Daniel Lawson: 8:15

Yeah, peak performance coaching is something that I've started out an emerging entrepreneurship, Actually, if we can again run rewind a little bit after quitting the corporate job and I got into a water sports apparel brand to live my dream of kite surfing. My dream was to travel the world kite surfing all the people Like.

Sonny Von Cleveland: 8:32

for those of us that don't know because I'm one of them what is kite surfing?

Daniel Lawson: 8:36

Kite surfing? Excellent good question. I love that. Um, if you imagine weightboarding, weightboarding, but instead of having a boat you have a kite that will tow you along so. Yeah, so you've got kite surfing or kiteboarding. Kite surfing I kind of one in the same. So sometimes it's a wave, sometimes it's on flat water. You can even go snow kiting, so put a snowboard on the on your feet.

Sonny Von Cleveland: 9:01

And it has the the ability to move you like that not just movie it to like the highest jumps.

Daniel Lawson: 9:07

I just set new records just a couple of weeks ago 32 meters, which was like a hundred feet One. Like you fly on this stuff and like it's. It's a lot of running motorbikes. I love racing cars, but there's nothing. I for me, there's nothing more sensational and powerful than the power of the wind that will just like the g-force Getting pulled off the ocean and just flying through the sky. My nine meters, but like it's, it's incredible what guys can do with that.

Sonny Von Cleveland: 9:35

That's, that's amazing. And so what compels you to Doing that sport and chasing that? That lifestyle of of want and desires that would lead you into parallax?

Daniel Lawson: 9:46

Yeah, so, yeah, good question. Actually, parallax it's a technical term that I learned when I was working as aerial imagery Company is if we've got people that are photographers or web designers or engineers. It's a and a term that describes an optical illusion. When you change your perspective on objects, objects appear to change, and I was like, well, what a metaphor for life. And that was the transition that I was going through. You know, creating that choice of quitting my job opened up a whole new perspective In my world that I was like actually, everything is just a perspective, everything's just really made up, and this term, parallax, described that. So I was like, well, when I wanted to tie all my interests together and create an income and travel the world, I was like, well, parallax apparel the whole idea was it was an inspirational brand for others to go and live their dream. Change your perspective, change your life.

Sonny Von Cleveland: 10:35

And that was how power was born.

Daniel Lawson: 10:38

Um, it also did something in my mind and this is what I love about that that choice and quitting my job. It was like burning the boats. There was no going back. And on that decision there, there was no going back to getting a job. It was push forward and figure out how to make an income online somehow, or online and in the world somehow. And when I created that business parallax apparel I realized I didn't have all my shit figured out Someone in the news, traveling around, pretty big ego, feeling like I don't need anyone to tell me what to do, how to live my life, or you know, whatever it is on me. And then I realized there's a whole lot more to building a business than just kind of figuring it out, going it alone. But then I realized that's life in itself.

Sonny Von Cleveland: 11:23

It's life is part of the experience. Right, it's all part of the life. I mean. Every major choice brings with it a set of challenges, right from societal expectations and personal demons like fear and regret. Can you delve into the obstacles that you faced, both internal and external?

Daniel Lawson: 11:45

Yeah, oh yeah, going Internally, the big ones, even just that name, parallax I. I called my business there and then I didn't want to share it with anyone. I don't want to even tell anyone about it here. I was wanting to create a business, create a brand.

Sonny Von Cleveland: 11:59

I've got a great brand, but I'm not gonna tell anybody.

Daniel Lawson: 12:02

I didn't want to tell anyone. No, like I told my mom and she told me she was like that's really cool, I love it, but she's my mom, she's supposed to say that, right, you know. So that was a big one, like for me it was. It was a strange place to be in and when I reflect on it now, I think there's a part of me that had that thought I had all my ship figured out. You know that I was always right, I was the best and I was awesome.

Daniel Lawson: 13:23

And there's a part of me that was just terribly scared of being found out. You know, like there was a fear of judgment, a fear of like belonging or just, oh, like I was coming from a place of having not really many friends. There were not many great relationships anyway. So you know, if I was going to share anything personal, like that sense of vulnerability I think was really my greatest challenge I had Was I didn't have the courage to really show who it is that I was, because I was so scared of being found out that I didn't know anything. I was faking it. I just made this whole, you know, this mask with this persona of being awesome, which internally I just wasn't and that you can imagine like the, the challenges that come up with that you can't do a business from that, you can't feel life from that, can't do much from that.

Sonny Von Cleveland: 14:08

It's the fortress mentality. You're building a fortress, but instead of keeping everybody out, you're keeping yourself in.

Daniel Lawson: 14:13

Yeah, yeah, well, yeah, both and it's a lonely place, very lonely place to be.

Sonny Von Cleveland: 14:20

It is a very lonely place post decision. Those first feelings are often like the most intense and you, you, you, you felt liberated and even found inspiration with, with the naming, the business parallax. But alongside that freedom, how did the world around you, especially those families and peers in those relationships, how did they react?

Daniel Lawson: 14:45

Yeah, getting out of the corporate job the very first thing I did. As I rang my brother and I said I think I just quit my job, and he was like awesome, it was like about time. He's my younger brother, by the way, five years younger, and I have so much to thank. I've got so much gratitude. I've got this sibling rivalry. So we always try to outdo each other now for sure, but like I've got so much gratitude for him because he never subscribed to the whole workplace. He's like mate, get in your job.

Daniel Lawson: 15:15

That's a scam, that's the biggest scam out, go on, do what it is that you want to do. And he's always like ever since I can remember you know, he's been doing that. So when I told him, he was like he was my biggest. He's flying my flag. He actually helped me get into the entrepreneurial world. And then, similar with my mother, she's always been like you just do what feels right. She's like more intuitive. But apart from that, the people around me that I don't want to say with my friends, they were my acquaintances that made me like help me feel okay. None of them were friends and, especially after their responses, a lot of them I feel like by me doing that. It made them feel intimidated because it reflected on them on how kind of trapped they might be feeling in their life. And that's in hindsight now.

Daniel Lawson: 16:00

The way it was then going well, dan, what are you doing? You shouldn't be doing that. You've worked so hard to get this job. It's so perfect. You got all the money, you got all the freedom to travel and buy the things that you want, and it looks so good, and they were just really good. Looks so good? Yeah, it looks so good. Really, I was living a very appealing lifestyle, but it didn't feel good. It didn't feel the way it looked, it was the total opposite, and so they reinforced that social narrative that helped me question whether I was making the biggest mistake in my life.

Sonny Von Cleveland: 16:37

That's the thing that came up and on that decision, I mean, the journey has undoubtedly shaped how you make decisions and as time moves forward, we often look back and we can analyze our choices. Do you have any regrets, or has this bold decision paved the way for unexpected successes and renewed passions in your life? Because, I mean, it would appear that way.

Daniel Lawson: 17:03

Absolutely. I love that study around how, in 98 to 99% of the people, when you ask them, would you change anything in your past or any thing that caused significant pain in your past if you had to give up all the positive things that came as a result as well, 98, 99% of the people can't remember would say they would never give it up. And that's the same for me. There was really hard, challenging, confronting moments and I'm like what am I doing here? And in the moment I'm going, this sucks so bad. I look back on them now and go I wouldn't change a thing. I can't. I couldn't change a thing. I wouldn't be where I am now without doing that. And so is there something I do differently based on what it is that I know now, of course, but I can't say that now. That's hindsight. I need to go and figure that out. To be where I is at, there's honestly nothing that I'd say I would really change.

Sonny Von Cleveland: 17:59

In the conversations that I have, I've come to find that that's primarily people that are living their best life, that are filled with passion or living a purpose driven life, have that same philosophy. I don't think I found anybody that is currently happy with their current life that would go back and change anything. I wouldn't, and I mean I've had horrible life, but where I am right now, I do it all twice. I wouldn't change a thing because that's where we're at. And then I've come to find that and I think it's something unique for people that are listening that may be in that that crossroads of I'm not happy with my life, I'm not fulfilled, and it's scary to make the decision like you made. It can be frightening, right, it can be scary, and so I think this can inspire them to know that that decision is going to be okay, to make that choice, and it's going to be all right. Can you shed light on your unique approach and how major that major crossroad influenced your perspective?

Daniel Lawson: 19:11

Yeah, yeah, one of the things and just tying in with what you said as well, I don't think anyone regrets moving forward and taking action on towards what it is that they want to move ahead on.

Daniel Lawson: 19:23

My perspective now is I can either get really uncomfortable and fight the battles out there that's driving me forward and really what it is that I want to achieve in life. And if I'm not doing that, I'm going to have to be fighting the battle within me of mediocrity and settlement. And I'm like I'm going to be fighting a battle, no matter what. I'm going to be facing pains and challenges and obstacles regardless, and whether it's me fighting the battle of mediocrity within me or fighting the battle that's going to be driving me forward and achieving what it is that I want, I'm like that's my choice now, that's my everyday choice, that's what has taught me. So I love the whole narrative of the choice effect. We have every moment as a choice and now I'm like I'm choosing that path that's driving me forward and I think that it really comes from that moment, because it was such a defining moment.

Sonny Von Cleveland: 20:16

And so many people look for guidance when they're at a crossroads. And what did finding an impartial advisor play in your life, like, how did venturing into affiliate marketing really pivot the journey for you?

Daniel Lawson: 20:32

Yeah, the two separate things I think was first, it was affiliate marketing. I was just so desperate for finding a way to make income or create value in a certain way. That was going to be based on my way of showing up on who it is that I am and learning to not get paid for, you know, paid by someone else, but I'm getting paid through my actions and generating value for someone else and so through that, that's what led me into personal development and what I learned through personal development and conversely to affiliate marketing. Affiliate marketing is someone standing there telling you do this, do this, do this, and then maybe you get this result. Most people don't get the result because the actions are based on what's important to the person teaching it, and what coached personal development taught me was going.

Daniel Lawson: 21:23

I'm not going to tell you and sit here and tell you what it is that you should do. I'm going to ask you some questions based on what it is that is important to you. Allow you, connect with what's important to you and now you're going to have the answers of what's going to be right for you. And it's that whole thing of like look within, the answers are within. I used to have my 20s, I'm like what's that supposed to mean? What's that shit? Now I'm like the answers truly are. Once you know what is important to you, the action becomes, or the clarity in the direction becomes, pretty clear. And so, by having an impartial advisor, you know usually it's not your mother, usually it's not your brother, usually it's not your best friend.

Sonny Von Cleveland: 22:02

Well, I think that that's in contrast to impartial right. Your mother, your friends, your family, they can't be impartial because they care about you, they love you.

Daniel Lawson: 22:13

Yeah, they just want the best for you and they're going to give what their advice, what's going on in their mind, what they think is good for you. Right, we take responsibility to know what's good for us and what's good for our essential nature, like our inner soul calling, and where it is that we want to go. We got to take responsibility for that. I love and I appreciate my mom so much for that. She's always going to give her advice the mother advice. A lot of my first years getting out in the world was I went against her advice and she said you do what it is that you want to do. And then often I'll come back and go mama, it wasn't the best idea and she never said I told you so.

Sonny Von Cleveland: 22:47

She didn't have to.

Daniel Lawson: 22:50

And I was so grateful. I think that's where a lot of my decision-making came from, because she allowed me to make the decisions and make the failures, if you like, and learn from it Right.

Sonny Von Cleveland: 23:00

Right, because failures always lead to success as long as you don't quit. Right, because the only way you lose is when you quit. And so the failures. Again, I talk about Michael Jordan all the time. Michael Jordan took what? 900 and some game-winning shots and only made 120. Some Right, like he failed his way to success and he's the biggest proponent of failing to succeed. What's your thoughts on how someone defines what they want? Because, like what you said, you can't really put yourself pursue the end goal if you don't know what it is that you want. If you can't define it, you can't chase it. Have you noticed that with some of the clients and people that you work with? Do you find it's a struggle to help them define their wants?

Daniel Lawson: 23:55

It's not hard to help them define it. That's a really big part of what it is that I do and there's a process to that. I think doing it alone is really challenging because there are so many surface things of what has been imposed on us through society and through our tribe and cultural conditioning and through the systems of the world and how it is that we should and shouldn't be and all the subjective messages that are coming through. So to cut back all of that and find out what it is that we truly want, it is challenging and I think that's why it does take someone else to help with that and reflect that back. One of the key not frameworks but angles that I take is helping my clients focus on what it is that they haven't been focusing on.

Daniel Lawson: 24:42

So, for example, when I worked in emerging entrepreneurship, people come in and say, okay, I really want to build my business. I'm like do you trust me for a moment? And anyone that I work with, we had to have that mutual trust. And I'm like, Daniel, I'm here to do whatever it is that you will suggest. I'm like, okay, you trust me. We're going to just put aside emerging on your business and entrepreneurship, put aside for a moment and let's focus on the opposite direction.

Daniel Lawson: 25:06

And often, and how we do that, it would find out what it is that they hadn't been facing in their life and often it would be intimate relationships or friendships or some kind of emotional state of being and like this emotional frustration or anger or a sadness or guilt or whatever it is, or, like you know, just being lonely, like it was, like I was, friendships we start focusing on that and opens up this whole new world.

Daniel Lawson: 25:32

I see it as facing our reality. And so when we face our reality and come clean of the lies that we've been telling ourselves and just so happened to be distracting ourselves from with building this amazing business and this is a reflection of my journey, by the way, with Parallax and Parallel so easy to be, so inspired to build a business that we can distract ourselves from all the truth and fears and pains and things that are going on, we look at that, we're unpacking that and that's where our true, essential self comes out and the passion and they're like oh my God, I've set myself free, because I think joy is not about going and finding joy. Joy is already there. It's just been buried below all the other shit that we haven't allowed to surface and come out.

Daniel Lawson: 26:16

We take those layers off and the joy is there, the passion is there, the inspiration is there, the curiosity and the learning, and it all comes out. People are like oh my God, I've got it. I like thank you so much, and it doesn't take a long time when we just sort of sit things around a little bit.

Sonny Von Cleveland: 26:31

What is your? Because for me I feel like and you touched on it in there just a little bit I think guilt is A it's the most worthless emotion in the world. There's zero benefit to guilt. Do you find that with your clients that guilt is a very prominent thing that you have to deal with with a lot of your clients? Because it seems to me guilt is like the number one thing that stops people from being able to move forward unless they, you know and they mean some people might have a traumatic thing in their own life that they're dealing with, but then people carry so much guilt and you said that you touched on that about the guilt of their past life, and then they feel guilty about chasing whatever it is they really want, because they feel a societal conditioning to other people. What is your thoughts on guilt, and do you see that a lot with your clients?

Daniel Lawson: 27:30

Yeah, yeah, a lot, a lot of guilt is a few layers deeper, but it comes out a surface. First thing I'll say is I, conversely to what you mentioned, guilt does have a very healthy role. It's got. It does have a role. It's there and it's purposeful. What you're referring to is all the unhealthy or dysfunctional guilt that you'd see come up.

Daniel Lawson: 27:50

The most part, I think, the functional version of guilt is when we do an action and do something that is outside or it doesn't align with our values or who it is that we want to be Say, like, in a relationship, cheat on a partner then we feel guilty because we did love them and we want to be cared for them and we want to be with them. That guilt is a healthy, functional emotion to tell us, it's an indicator to us you kind of you fucked up here, you lived outside, you did something that you know you shouldn't have done, it doesn't align with who it is that you want to be and don't do that again. And it's telling us. It's like when we got that discomfort within us. That's a message Our body is going don't do that. And so this is a good example of when we're not listening to who it is.

Sonny Von Cleveland: 28:32

I appreciate that perspective Because I have not. I've been in that exact scenario and I never looked at it that way. That was kind of a breakthrough right there, because I've always. I had the guilt because I cheated on my son's mother and that's the first time I'd ever cheated on somebody Well, the first time I'd ever been caught cheating on somebody and the effect of that decision changed my life. When I saw the pain that I had caused from that indiscretion, I didn't look at the positive side of the guilt. But now that you say it and you put it in that perspective, for me I see it because I was there and you're right, that guilt does have a purpose. Wow, mind blowing. Daniel Lawson.

Daniel Lawson: 29:23

Awesome, yeah, so it's really important, because, then, the next part of that, though, is then forgiveness.

Sonny Von Cleveland: 29:30

It's forgiveness of yourself. Self-forgiveness, I think, is the first step of unbagging all of your stuff. That's the path that I took. Self-forgiveness, it's number one, and then forgiving others. Yeah, those two, I think, are very imperative. Did you have a struggle with that when you had your breakthrough? Was there a? Did you come to that realization, or was that something from an external source that helped you to realize that?

Daniel Lawson: 29:59

Yeah, that's a very convoluted story all within that, but absolutely there was going through my own personal challenges and coaching and it always come back. Like you know, one of the big ones was forgiving my father for not being the father that I would have liked him to be and essentially, growing up without a really positive, strong male role model and still having to learn. I feel like I'm learning to become a man and what being a man means. And by not having that male role model in my childhood, it's really hard, it's really challenging to stumble through that and so there's a process of having to or wanting to forgive him and letting that go. But through the coaching also is there's lots of moments I remember my coach was like and who else do you need to forgive here?

Daniel Lawson: 30:45

And then I realized it was about forgiving myself, because forgiving myself for the judgment that I've been placing on myself and all the insecurities and just how much I've been screwing myself up and sabotaging my own successes and my future and all of that and literally just punishing myself like abandoning myself, that's actually tying back in with guilt as well. The dysfunctional version of guilt is like, say, people pleasing, caretaking others and not doing something, or not doing something because of how they will feel, and if they feel bad, then we feel guilty, but it's not our responsibility to take care of someone else's feelings 100%. It is there. So dealing guilty around that and realizing, oh well, actually I need to forgive myself for having abandoned my own needs, my own boundaries, my own emotions, and starting to again go with it. And so, yeah, there's a lot in that. Yeah.

Sonny Von Cleveland: 31:41

And staying in that vein, let's jump over to the wonderful, wonderful subconscious act of comparing. So a lot of people are stuck in the comparison game, constantly comparing, and I think this is where you know we get that societal definition of success. It's because we're comparing ourselves to the external accomplishments of other people and or our immediate surroundings. I also grew up without a father, and that you know what. I look back on it and it does not affect me. I don't allow it to affect me, but I found myself a lot comparing with other people in that arena. What are your thoughts on comparison and the damaging and or beneficial effects of comparisons?

Daniel Lawson: 32:39

The first thing, one of the quotes that I sort of refer to a lot and I consider a lot. I catch myself doing a lot still in business and in success and all sorts of things, but when we're comparing, usually we're comparing someone's external best to our own internal worst, which already, when you say it logically, like you're like, well, that's a bit messed up.

Sonny Von Cleveland: 33:01

Yeah, when you said that sentence like that, I'm like, yeah, yeah, we do that.

Daniel Lawson: 33:09

How is that going to be ever functional? How is it ever going to lead me somewhere better? And the way that I've discovered that is you know, I've got peers and the coaching world and I see them doing amazing things and I'm like, oh man, I kind of get, I'm comparing myself and I still kind of do it I catch myself doing it and then I coach myself on it and I become aware of it.

Daniel Lawson: 33:28

But I'm like I feel like they are doing better than me or they're getting something more and I'm like, oh damn it. I know they're showing up, I know they're working hard for it, I know they deserve it. So I do have like total appreciation for what it is they're doing, but still there's a part of me wanting that and wishing I had it and going. But why do they deserve it? I feel like I'm showing up and then I talk to them about it because we have pretty good relationships and they're like huh, that's really funny. I was kind of doing the same thing about you.

Sonny Von Cleveland: 33:55

Right, and we suffer more in our minds than we do in reality. Right, and when we look at those things, I mean it's a wonderful comparison that you do there, because, yeah, it's really insightful stuff, man. And this, I think, is a really good coaching methodology because, like you said, when we have that moment of self-awareness, when we catch ourselves doing it, I mean I still do it, I do it to this day. I look and I'm like man, I am putting in so much work and yet someone else is so much more successful. And then you have to stop, like it's not. We're not in a competition, this is not it. I'm not comparing myself to them, I am and I need to stop. But is there a? Do you find that it can be a motivational force, or is it a subjugated force?

Daniel Lawson: 34:45

Probably. I think it's case by case. You know like I look at going well, is it serving? Is it like resourceful, functional and serving? And so it's like anything that we do, Like you know, whether it's a certain characteristic or an attribute or whatever. If you look at it one way, you know, say like narcissism, it gets a really bad rap because you know our narcissists and everything. But then you look at, well, what does that bring them? And that part of a narcissist personality serves them really well.

Daniel Lawson: 35:14

And so when we break it down and go with comparison and like what you just said, when you're comparing yourself against something, someone, is it going to drive you forward? And is that working? Okay, great, Keep doing that. But where is it being destructive? Let's change that. Let's rewrite that part of the strategy. Let's look at something different. And so the way that I do that, the simplest way there's many ways, but the simplest way I look at how to do that, for myself at least, is I catch myself comparing myself to other successes, when I'm not feeling enough appreciation or gratitude for where it is that I'm at. And so I'll go to endure my gratitudes and I'm like holy shit, I'm doing this and this and this, I'm nailing this, it's so good. And then I compare myself to, or like, look at someone else's successes and I'm like, well, they're crushing it as well. That's awesome. And it kind of lights a fire within me. I'm already lit up, and then it lights a fire or more within me, so it feels like we're going together rather than it's like me.

Sonny Von Cleveland: 36:11

Yeah, and on that note, for people that are listening, what is a good exercise? That you would recommend for people to make gratitude a habit, because I think gratitude is one of the most important things to have in the world to be grateful for what you have, and some people don't know how to implement that into their life. So for somebody that's listening, that might need to step up their gratitude game. What's a good exercise? Because you just said I look at my gratitude list and I think a lot of people lack a gratitude list. What is your? What is your? What would you recommend to somebody that's listening?

Daniel Lawson: 36:48

You know what? You know, that kind of cracks me up, because when I speak to Americans and Canadians or, like you know, north Americans as a whole, you got Thanksgiving and it was. It was my time over in Michigan that I had a Thanksgiving and we sat around and we gave thanks and that's where I learned it and I was like this is awesome. But then what I realized is a lot of it was kind of you got the time and the place and that's the only time you did it, and it was way later in life. I started doing that every day. So that is one way to look at it. How do you give thanks? How do you give a credit? How do you give gratitude? But appreciation, I think, is really great. A part of my appreciation strategy is appreciating all the things that are going good, but also appreciating all the challenges and seeing how that's affecting my life. I learned gratitude through giving appreciation to my challenges and that was that was.

Sonny Von Cleveland: 37:43

That's hard. I'm clipping that that sentence right there. You learn to give gratitude by appreciating your challenges 100%, because it I think it's a matter of perspective when it comes to challenges, obstacles or opportunities. Right, and I think a lot of people have heard that. But to put that into practice is a little bit more difficult than just saying the sentence. Obviously, being able to look at a challenge as an opportunity for growth how would you recommend that? Somebody that's listening, how would you recommend, here's a challenge this is how you see it as an opportunity as opposed to an obstacle that's going to push you back.

Daniel Lawson: 38:25

Yeah, it's really good it's. I actually I do a training on this. That comes through with the journal that you mentioned at the start of the session the most valuable journal. It really is the most valuable journal of anyone's listing. Maybe we can put a link in here.

Sonny Von Cleveland: 38:37

Oh, definitely. Oh, we're linking it.

Daniel Lawson: 38:39

This, two things, but one of the things, one of the bonuses that come with it. You get the journal that comes with some video bonuses. One of them is about self acknowledgments. Self acknowledgments and similar to self affirmations is where a lot of people go wrong is our try to self acknowledge or self affirmate on things that aren't true. Like I was talking with my girlfriend about this today that she's wanting to get better at running. I'm like you talk yourself down so much about running that the challenge of running is this obstacle that you never are gonna overcome. And I was like you tell yourself and she's like I just can't do it, I just can't run, I can't run. I'm like if you keep telling yourself you're never gonna be able to run, of course you know she's saying I can't run when we're running and I'm like bullshit, if you tell your brain that you're running, it's gonna believe it because you're running, you're doing it. And she goes okay, well, I'm gonna start saying that I'm an Olympic champion runner. I'm like don't be so silly. That's delusional and I think that's where a lot of positive affirmations kind of sit, and that delusion where the brain's gonna go bullshit, you're not that. And so tying it back into when we have these challenges is so we've got a challenge.

Daniel Lawson: 39:45

Another word for a challenge could be overcoming. That could be a goal, but it's not about getting the goal. Sure, it could be cool to get the goal, but it's the pursuit of. You know, it's the journey in getting the goal. So the journey is all about how is it that we're gonna show up? What parts of us do we need to tap into? Who is it that we're gonna need to become in order to be worthy of achieving that goal?

Daniel Lawson: 40:08

And so this is where I really love showing up with the self-acknowledgements. So say, for example, it's the running and turning up and it's gonna take, you know, you wake up early and it's gonna take a bit of drive and termination and motivation and all the things and acknowledging those parts and I think there's a lot of gratitude and going okay, I'm gonna wake up, I'm out running, I'm really acknowledging myself for the termination, you know, or the commitment or the consistency. I've got up every morning this week and I've gone out and gone for that run. That was really hard and I've shown up for it. And I run one K every day, for example. And it's not about the one K. It's about going. I've done it and I'm doing it and I'm getting better. And that's where I build in that appreciation, that appreciation for the growth and who it is that I'm becoming, for the pursuit of the goal.

Sonny Von Cleveland: 40:58

I love that. I'm gonna need to get this journal. I'm gonna need to get it just to look at it, and we're definitely gonna link that below and for anybody that's listening. I highly recommend this because clearly you've done the inner work and you've put it on display for everybody else. For the listeners who might be standing at a similar crossroad. What advice would you impart? How do you interpret the inner discomfort that you were just talking about? That often precedes major life decisions. How do you interpret that and how can they implement that into their lives?

Daniel Lawson: 41:34

Yeah, the inner discomfort. It's something that I think everyone tries to avoid until they become conscious and aware that that's the message. It's like what we're talking about with Gil. That's an important message. That's the thing that is going to help us connect with who it is, that we are where it is, that we're going to live the life that it is that we're craving. Listen to that, whether it's a whisper inside.

Daniel Lawson: 41:56

I think so many, so much of society, men and women, but particularly for men because I'm a male emotionally suppressed. Now, as soon as we suppress our emotions, it's harder to hear that, it's harder to feel that discomfort that's within us. But when we get it, and when we get it, grab it and ask what it is, that it's trying to communicate. And so the advice that I'd give to people now it used to be just take the action, do the thing. But it's so much we know that it's so much harder. It's kind of advice that what good does it do? If we could just do it, we would already be just doing it. So it's more now.

Daniel Lawson: 42:33

When you get the discomfort, have someone talk to it if you can. It's a part of yourself that's trying to communicate. We've all got parts of ourselves that say this thing, say this thing, and we've got the voice here and that thing there. You're not crazy, we're normal. This is internal family systems, therapy work, which is a beautiful body of knowledge. We can talk to these parts. I wouldn't expect anyone to be able to do that right off the bat effectively, but if you have someone else to ask you and start pulling these parts out, it's amazing how much clarity and wisdom we all have within us. It's not about being smart, it's about just listening.

Sonny Von Cleveland: 43:07

And it is. And again, having the independent advisor that comes in, the impartial advisor I used to think that I could do this all on my own as well, and a lot of people that hear my story they know 18 years in prison. I did the 19 months in solitary confinement and they know that that's my pivotal moment was the 19 months of solitary confinement. And they hear solitary confinement and they was like well, you did it on your own? No, I didn't. I had a mentor across the hall who mentored me through that, and so I think it's very important, as you've stated several times, to have an accountability partner, somebody that can help you with that standard. Daniel, you're an amazing human being, dude, and I absolutely love it. Before we wrap up, for our listeners who wanna connect with you and explore your resources, where can they find you online?

Daniel Lawson: 44:06

Yeah, parallax and Parall. My website's probably the best resource there, depending on the niche. I'm working across two niches at the moment. One where I used to be a lot was in the emerging entrepreneur and lifestyle creation space. I still very much love that space, so somebody starting out in the personal development journey that's a really great place to start Heaps of resources on that. I've got a whole vault of amazing, from free resources through to very cheap resources. The other side of that is more peak performance coaching, which is a lot of neuroscience, getting into the flow state and helping more six seven-figured business owners. They've already got it all, but they want more, and a lot of it. What I'm finding is it's all not too dissimilar. It's all kind of the same, just positioned slightly differently. So that's the best place. Facebook, daniel Lawson or Instagram, linkedin all the major platforms. I try to be there as much as possible to keep sharing the love and the value.

Sonny Von Cleveland: 44:59

Yeah, and we will drop all of those links in the description down low. But for those people that don't read descriptions, there you go, go check out Daniel Lawson. Daniel, thank you so much for your time, for your wisdom. I love what you're doing and we are connected and I will continue to follow and support your journey as well. Dude, I think you're definitely living a purpose life and I think that's the best thing that we can do, right? Epictetus once said we are made for the sake of each other. Teach or tolerate, and you have taken teaching and kudos to you, my friend.

Daniel Lawson: 45:35

Thank you so much, man. It's such a pleasure and, as I say, it's an honor being part of your journey. I know that you're doing such fantastic work, so thank you for allowing me to be part of it.

Sonny Von Cleveland: 45:45

Hey, my pleasure, trust me. Thank you so much, buddy.

Daniel Lawson: 45:50

Awesome Cheers, buddy, bye-bye.