The Choice Effect

The Power of Choice: Megs Gibson's Path to Self-Realization

August 24, 2023 Sonny Von Cleveland Season 1 Episode 1
The Choice Effect
The Power of Choice: Megs Gibson's Path to Self-Realization
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Show Notes Transcript Chapter Markers
  • Get ready to be stirred and inspired as we chat with the remarkable Megs Gibson, a woman who bravely shares her journey from leaving a nearly three-decade-long relationship and forging a fresh start with her three children. Megs opens up about the crucial moments leading to her decision and the financial struggles she faced thereafter. "What if you had the courage to choose yourself first?" Megs ponders, revealing the importance of self-discovery and personal responsibility even amidst life's toughest trials.


This episode is a deep dive into the importance of personal growth, resilience, and the power of choice. Megs takes us through her journey, revealing how growing into two very different individuals led to the end of her marriage and how societal changes have shifted the perspective on young marriage. The conversation takes a poignant turn as Megs shares about her middle son, their evolving relationship, and her heartrending decision to put his wants before her own. From her personal trials, Megs has developed core values that emphasize personal responsibility, expressive freedom, and the power of choice.

As this inspirational dialogue draws to a close, Megs enlightens us about the power of self-reflection and her battle with ADHD. We learn how she harnessed her strength to take charge of her happiness, the significance of the 54321 rule, and how coaching on her non-negotiables prepared her for her next relationship. In a heartwarming wrap up, Megs shares about her 'Brady Bunch' family of seven and how her journey has led her to a mutual relationship that empowers both parties. Megs urges listeners to bravely choose themselves first and embrace the transformative power of making choices.

Connect With Megs!!

Website: https://freedtobeyou.com/
FaceBook: https://www.facebook.com/freedtobeyou
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freedtobeyou/
Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com.au/freedtobeyou/

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Thank you for joining us on the Choice Effect Podcast. This is Sonny Von Cleveland, reminding you that every challenge is an opportunity for transformation. Your past doesn't define you; your choices do. Let's keep inspiring, healing, and choosing paths that lead to our best selves. Until next time, stay empowered and remember: You have the power to change your story.

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https://linktr.ee/sonnyvoncleveland

Sonny Von Cleveland:

And this is the very first ever episode of the Choice Effect. You know, choices define us. Sometimes they set us free and sometimes they test our strength. Today we have with us Megs Gibson, a woman who made a life-altering decision, taking her down an unpredictable journey from leaving a nearly three decade-long relationship to navigating a fresh start with three children in financial hurdles, to finding herself in the love of her life once more. Megs is a testament to courage, self-discovery and resilience. In our chat today, we'll uncover her journey, the challenge, the triumphs and the revelation. Stay with us as we dive into the raw and genuine story of Megs Gibson. Megs, how are you doing?

Megs Gibson:

I'm great, thank you. You have the best voice for a podcast, I've got to say.

Sonny Von Cleveland:

Thank you so much. And I'm honored to be the first guest you are the very first guest ever on the Choice Effect and you are in Australia.

Megs Gibson:

I am. I'm Australia. How is life out there?

Sonny Von Cleveland:

Yeah, you are in my future right now.

Megs Gibson:

We said time travel wasn't possible. I think I've said that on five shows so far.

Sonny Von Cleveland:

It's like a Thursday afternoon for me and it's like Friday for you. You're getting ready to rock the weekend.

Megs Gibson:

Good morning, thank God, it's Friday, that's really incredible.

Sonny Von Cleveland:

You have an incredible story and I'm excited to dive into this and bring it to the people and hopefully they'll find some inspiration from your life, because you've indeed have made a choice and it has had one hell of an effect in your life. You mentioned that you have left a relationship of 28 years. Can you talk us, take us, to that moment when you finally decided to leave, and what was going on through your mind?

Megs Gibson:

Well, there was a series of moments, if I'm honest, I don't think anyone unless they're in a situation where it's life or death literally makes that decision in a heartbeat. But obviously there is a moment where you have to step over the line and say it out loud. So I think it would be easier for me to answer that question by telling you the series of things that led to that decision, because for me, I really believed that I would be in that relationship forever, when I obviously I mean everyone thinks that right when we get married and we have children, that that's a lifelong commitment, and it was for me, and I actually was a child from a broken marriage. So my mum was separated twice, divorced twice, so I had this big chip on my shoulder about not being that and not getting that point.

Sonny Von Cleveland:

Not following in that footsteps?

Megs Gibson:

Yeah, and changing that, and so I think that kept me. It kept me there for longer than it could have if I had been aware of that, because I really wasn't aware of that until afterwards, so when, as my kids got older and we grew up I mean I was 15, just to be clear, that sounds like I'm old when you say I'm being married.

Sonny Von Cleveland:

You were 15 years old when you got married.

Megs Gibson:

No, no, no, we met.

Sonny Von Cleveland:

Oh, when you met, you got married. Yeah, because that would be illegal.

Megs Gibson:

I got married at 23. Oh, 23.

Sonny Von Cleveland:

But you met him at 15?.

Megs Gibson:

Yeah, wow, yeah, and I've got a 15-year-old daughter now.

Sonny Von Cleveland:

Right, and you're like, so I look at her like what?

Megs Gibson:

No, no, how did I make? I mean, obviously I didn't decide to marry him that day, but I certainly entered a relationship that I was committed to. And when we did get married, even at 23, like my oldest son's 21, and he's so much younger than I was at 21. Right, I got engaged at 21, married at 23. And I look at my children and I'm like wow, like so many of us make that choice at such a young age and like marriage is no joke. Right, like you make some pretty solid promises to each other that I've now learned are really, really, really hard for me to go back on.

Sonny Von Cleveland:

Well, sure.

Megs Gibson:

But like when we dive into a little bit more about what I do, you'll understand why. Yeah, but at the time.

Sonny Von Cleveland:

I think at that age like you're not mentally prepared to make that type of commitment, right? I don't think anybody, no. I mean you see some stories of people that have met their high school sweetheart or whatever, and they've stayed married for 70 years, but I think that that's the exception, not the rule, right?

Megs Gibson:

It's becoming that way in a massive way. I mean most relationships now that start that young like more than 51% of them don't last, and the reason is because we don't necessarily. Well, we don't know, not necessarily. We don't know who we are at that age. We're not who we're going to be at that age either in terms of, like, solidifying the things that are important to us and knowing what it is that we want to create and the vision we want to move towards. We don't know that stuff at that age. We haven't had a dream Like I've driven meeting the love of my life and having a family that's all I ever wanted.

Sonny Von Cleveland:

I think most little girls probably come into that. When they're 13, 14, 15 years old, they start thinking, oh, marriage and big wedding and start picking out wedding dresses.

Megs Gibson:

I think our generation did. Yeah, I don't think that's the case now?

Sonny Von Cleveland:

No, I agree, that's not the case now. I think now there's more empowerment and individuality and there's more emphasis on taking care of yourself first, until you're ready, which I think is not a bad idea.

Megs Gibson:

It's a great idea.

Sonny Von Cleveland:

Yeah, I don't think it's a bad idea. So what caused you to want to? At what point did you realize you wanted to leave the relationship? Was it something that you dealt with for years, or was it like, okay, I'm done and I want to?

Megs Gibson:

You know what? I just realized that we were growing into two very different people who wanted to run out the world, if you know what I mean like run out the world differently.

Sonny Von Cleveland:

Sure, yeah, ambitions and goals.

Megs Gibson:

Yeah, like I am somebody who thrives on being outside my comfort zone. I love it. It's where I grow the most. It's where I find new parts of myself that I didn't know existed. Do you know what I mean?

Sonny Von Cleveland:

Like my whole life.

Megs Gibson:

I felt like I've been outside my comfort zone and we can get into some of that journey if you want, but like with him, like and this is the first time I've ever spoke about this publicly- which is insane.

Sonny Von Cleveland:

Forgive me if I Take your time, it is okay. This is a really breakthrough moment for you. You've never, discussed this publicly and now it's about to go out through the world. That's gotta be heavy.

Megs Gibson:

So here's what I want to say. This claim up front is that this is my journey, in terms of my perspective, and I believe that we all have our own view of events and we own our own feelings about what's happening and we all contribute to the end result.

Megs Gibson:

So I would say that right up front. But what I found was that, like with like he's who he is and he's who he is now and he's grown into who he is, you know through his own experiences. And when we got to like 40, because he's a little bit older me, he's like 18 months older me, but when I got to 40 and we were in our early 40s, like we just we just wanted different things. We wanted our daily life Like and I'm talking about the little things, like how things felt on a daily basis Like he is somebody who likes to be comfortable, doesn't like conflict, doesn't like anything that kind of I don't know. That's his journey, right.

Sonny Von Cleveland:

For me.

Megs Gibson:

I embrace that stuff Like I. I love a good debate, right, you know? I think that there's and he's.

Sonny Von Cleveland:

He likes to be in his comfort zone and you like to be outside of the comfort zone and of course you can't predict that at 15.

Megs Gibson:

You can't predict that at 21.

Sonny Von Cleveland:

You can't even predict that at 35. That that's how something is going to happen, right and it's not even about predicting it Sunny.

Megs Gibson:

It's kind of like you're not, I'm not who I was when I was 15, obviously 100%.

Sonny Von Cleveland:

I'm not who.

Megs Gibson:

I'm not who I was when I was 20. I'm not who I was when I was 30. I'm even changed since I was 40, in a huge way actually. But I believe that we are evolving and our sense of self is fluid and if we don't acknowledge that and we don't grow into that, then we do get stuck and we do come fearful of change 100% because people get stuck in that comfort and it's a little scary to jump outside of it and a lot of people are afraid of the unknown Right.

Sonny Von Cleveland:

But life is, it's experiential right and so you want to experience everything that you can in life and it seems like you're that kind of person and your ex-husband seemed like he was more. I'm going to stay in my lane because I know what to expect and it's much easier.

Megs Gibson:

Yeah, yeah, and he likes that predictability. But here's what I will tell you about me personally, because that's the, that's the jet, that's the story that I can tell you. So I grew up as and I'm going to come around back around and answer that question you asked me at the beginning, but there's a long-winded answer. But I grew up as somebody who was ultimate people pleaser, like I had to. I had to uncover that because it's not something I was doing consciously, and then I had to overcome it, and so where that was and I'm a perfectionist is also alongside that.

Megs Gibson:

So I was type A personality Totally, and I also somebody who liked, liked things to be done well and perfect if possible. That was what I was striving for in every area. But you know, where it affected me the most was in my relationships, and so I didn't, like I said before, I didn't want to be in a marriage that ended. I wanted to be. If I was going to enter that, I was going to be there forever. I didn't want to fail. I didn't. I wanted it to be perfect. And so you can imagine, reading between the lines, what that must have been like to try and live into that expectation. And that is all me, that's all on me.

Sonny Von Cleveland:

Sure it's, it's your. It's an inner conflict, You're battling yourself.

Megs Gibson:

Yeah, yeah.

Sonny Von Cleveland:

There's a dichotomy. That's one side of me. I want to be free, I want to be out, and the other side is but I don't want to be that divorced mom.

Megs Gibson:

Yeah, but I also wanted it to be perfect, and so, rather than try and own the fact that we're different and we don't want the same things, I covered that up with I'm going to fix it, I'm going to make it better, I'm going to please everybody else, I'm going to put myself last, I'm going to make sure that everybody else is happy and thriving and make it easy for everybody else, and I did that for a very, very long time, and it wasn't until I was in my sort of late 30s, coming up to 40, that I realized that that was.

Megs Gibson:

I realized it in a big way.

Megs Gibson:

I think I always knew it in, like I said, in a subconscious way, but I became aware of it and I started working on it, and it was around the same time that I started getting into the work that I do now as well with others, and I uncovered the fact that I had made a little bit of a mess of some areas of my life by being that way.

Megs Gibson:

So I went about cleaning that up I don't know if you've heard that term before, but having the conversations necessary to move through where that started, some of it was to do with my parents, some of it was to do with other things that happened to me when I was younger and I just had to clean that stuff up. I had to have those hard conversations and own the fact that I had created some of the things that I was unhappy about by being that way, and then I had to make a choice, which is probably the first choice I made. To be honest is that's what we're talking about to not be that way, and I had to make that choice over and over again.

Sonny Von Cleveland:

Right. If you start to realize these things about yourself, you're like I have isolated the problem, Now I have to solve it and I know what the answer is.

Megs Gibson:

And it's not easy, but it's not one choice, it's definitely not one. It's a daily choice, it's a daily decision to show up differently than how you've become. You know you've been like that for such a long time it's really hard to undo it, so it's a constant choice to keep moving through it.

Sonny Von Cleveland:

When.

Megs Gibson:

I uncovered that about myself and when I understood how that was affecting the relationships in my life, I really wanted something different. I wanted to be free of it. And you know what else? Just to give you an idea of how that felt in my body I was exhausted, to be honest, mentally.

Megs Gibson:

Sure, it's emotionally draining and mentally Exhausted from just trying to be everything to everyone, and so my cup was empty, so that I have nothing to give. So I had to start feeling my own cup, and the way that I did that was by going deeper with what I'm talking about, uncovering more of myself, uncovering more of the things that I did want, and then, as I started to be more of those things, I started to become a lot more self expressed. I started to. I actually found my voice and started talking about the things that I needed, that I wasn't getting again on me because I hadn't voiced in a before, but as I got braver and more free to share that. Here's what happens when you step into being that being a more free and self expressed version of yourself, it gives the people around you permission to do the same 100%.

Megs Gibson:

When you're around somebody who's authentic, you can't help but be more authentic yourself. It creates this safe space for people to do that. However, there are going to be people who are terrified of stepping into that.

Sonny Von Cleveland:

Because it's not your authenticity.

Megs Gibson:

Right. So then they have to actually look in the mirror, and then they have to go and do that work, and they're going to, and when you do this work, you see things that you don't. You see things about yourself that you don't necessarily want to see or like, and you have to face it, you have to own it, you have to take responsibility for it and you have to clean it up, like I said. So that's not an easy journey to go on, and so when other people are around you and they are faced with that choice to do that work, they either going to do one or two things they're going to step into it and go with you or they're going to push back and want the old you, because that's easier for them.

Sonny Von Cleveland:

Right, that's.

Megs Gibson:

So that's pretty much the point that I got to.

Sonny Von Cleveland:

Well then can you, when you got to your question, can you? Take us to the moment you decided to leave. And what did that look like? How did that play out?

Megs Gibson:

You know what? It's funny. I am going to tell you a story before the answer. You'll get to know that's going to answer most questions by the end of this. But I am somebody who hates running. Sure, I'll join the dots. I'm the same thing.

Sonny Von Cleveland:

I only run and we'll stick there until we figure it out.

Megs Gibson:

I mean like physically running, like running oh yeah. Oh, you're talking about physically running Okay.

Megs Gibson:

I only run if someone's chasing me. I'm not a, I don't love it, it's not something that I do at all, but I decided this one day. I was so emotional, I was so conflicted in what I wanted to do on this particular day that you're asking me about, and I live near the beach. I live on the Gold Coast, very blessed, a beautiful place to live, if you've ever been there and I decided that I was going to go for a run on the beach. Don't know where this thought came from, which is why I had to tell you the little story before the story, but I went for this run and the new pink album. I don't know if you know pink, but I was a big pink fan. Her new album came out. It's called Hurts to the Human and I put that album on in my iPods and some of the songs are quite deep and intense. Sure.

Sonny Von Cleveland:

A lot of pink and music is really good.

Megs Gibson:

I love music. I've always loved music. I'm feeling a certain way I can. I put music on. It'll lift me up or it'll, you know, help me through things, I don't know. I just love it. And so I put this album on and I ran about four case until he died when I got to the other end.

Sonny Von Cleveland:

Oh, wow.

Megs Gibson:

But you know they talk about that run as high, Absolutely. Like the door pins and all the things that kick in, Like I experienced that for the first time. It's probably the only time to be honest, but I did experience that. I ran and I stopped at the other end and I was like heaving. I was in so much pain but I just balled Like I just it's everything just came out, just came out, right there yeah.

Megs Gibson:

And I. So I had all the things going on and I still remember the song that was playing and I just sat down and I just realized that I had to. I had to choose me.

Megs Gibson:

Yeah, and essentially that's, that's what I did. I just I chose me. I did run slowly back, warped some of the way, but I remember that just burst like it was a physical release and I, yeah, I just, I just knew I can't really explain it. I just knew that I needed to choose myself, I needed to get out of out of my own way and out of the way of the things that that we were both struggling with and just figure out a way forward. Whether that was going to be together or separate was not really the issue. It's just I needed. All I knew was that I needed space. I just felt like everything was closing in and I needed to choose myself and give myself a space to figure out what I wanted.

Sonny Von Cleveland:

And, whether he knew it or not, you were making the best decision for him as well, because if you're not a hundred percent in it, then you're doing a disservice to the partner as well. Totally, yeah, it's incredible. The financial challenges that you faced after leaving must have been daunting. Can you describe the initial hurdles and how you managed to work for job?

Megs Gibson:

Yes, I can. So I I mean I was a full-time mum for a long time. I always had a little bit of a side hustle on the side, like something that I'd be working on Because, like I said, I'm quite ambitious. I've never done nothing Very bad at doing nothing. So I'd I'd had a business that I'd not long decided I was going to wrap up. It was in the social media space, so I was in the process of doing that at the time. I was also I'm also a hairdresser by trade, which I've fallen back on a number of times in my life, and I was always looking to have something like that you always come back to.

Sonny Von Cleveland:

Yeah.

Megs Gibson:

So I had to, and he was sort of, you know, in a full-time job and I had to Go and find work. I hadn't been, I hadn't worked for anybody else for about 13 years, I'd only worked for myself, and so that was daunting. But I was very, very fortunate enough, and I do believe in serendipity. I just, you know, I feel like when you make a choice and you are committed, like 100% committed, to that choice, that the universe, or whatever you want to call it, has your back, like okay, we're doing this. Like you know, you get tested as well, but things that are in alignment with that choice will come across your path if you're open and you're, you know, willing to see them.

Megs Gibson:

And so I actually answered this ad for a job, and it was like a weekend thing and it was sales, which is what I'm good at, naturally and I went and met the and I swear to God, I looked at this late. I looked at this lady. She's the owner of the company. We looked each other in the eye, shook each other's hand and she'll tell you if you would ask her she gave me the job. In that moment I don't know what it was, but it was just like I'd met someone that I'd met before, and that lady was a blessing to me. She's still a dear friend I don't work for anymore, but I used to go away. Believe it or not, it was selling beds. It's nothing sexy, they're great beds. They're great beds by the way.

Megs Gibson:

They're great beds. They, you know, they have the massage and the and they the elevation and they're amazing High ticket products.

Sonny Von Cleveland:

I feel like I'm the good boy, one of those, but I used to go oh, they're so good, best sleep I've ever gotten.

Megs Gibson:

But I was going away on the weekends to sell those and so that worked out well because she allowed me to work on the weekends when I didn't have my children. So my daughter was 11 at the time, my boys were in that sort of mid to late teens and so you know I I needed to be there for her during the week to take her to and from school, because she was with me 50% of the time and I didn't want to not be the type of mum that I wanted to be. I wanted to be there for her. So I looked for something that would align with my schedule. So I would go away every second week and she was so awesome, like if at the beginning you know first separate, you know it's not easy, you're trying to figure out what it's going to look like and you know work and all of that stuff.

Megs Gibson:

So sometimes the weekends change and she'd just book me on on shows or book me on weekends away when I didn't have grace and and that's what I did. So that's one thing. The other thing was my coaching. Like I said, I'd already started doing that. I originally started in the personal brand space and I was helping people go on that deep discovery to figure out who they are, so that they could put a brand on something that was real and that's kind of where I started, you know doing this work for myself.

Sonny Von Cleveland:

You were teaching and learning at the same time 100%. Yeah, it's pretty intense.

Megs Gibson:

Yeah, and so I got really passionate about around this time about how that affected you'd see why your life more than your business. So there was a number of us in that space that were working together who got very passionate about that, and I was going through something where I was leaning on the discoveries that I'd had myself in order to make choices. So I was doing that and that was great. Like that, I love it. I'm still doing that work now in a much bigger way, but that was something that I could book into my schedule when I had time. It was $100 US an hour. It was amazing. So I was doing some you know, some coaching there. And then I was Uber driving.

Sonny Von Cleveland:

Cut all Uber driving for Uber.

Megs Gibson:

Good play, good side hustle Not wrong with that In every other spare hour I had, and because I only worked on the weekends and because I only had my daughter every second week, I also did a little bit of acting, believe it or not which I could also say yes or no to.

Megs Gibson:

So I found things that were flexible, that I could still have that bit of autonomy, and the reason for that is because that's something I know about myself. I like to be able to control my own clock, and these things gave me that, you know, the space to do that. The other thing I was doing was hairdressing as well.

Sonny Von Cleveland:

So I did have all four of these gigs, but it somehow worked and it just I just made it work.

Megs Gibson:

I had to. I had no choice.

Sonny Von Cleveland:

You have to do what you got to do right and you pulled it off and kudos to you for being able to do that. Your relationship with your middle son was pretty greatly affected by your choice. How is the passage of time impacted that relationship and where does it stand now?

Megs Gibson:

Yeah, so he I mean, he was that really you know, 14, 15 year old he was already him and I already had a long list of years of challenges because of things that he dealt with on his own life.

Megs Gibson:

And so, you know, that was also one of the things that really made it hard for me to make that decision, because when you make a choice like this that affects other people, it's a bigger choice to make, like it's a. There's so much more to consider and so for him, like he was, he doesn't like change at all. So it was really hard and in the end he wanted to, you know, he wanted to be at his dad's and so that's kind of where he ended up staying. It was better for me because we were clashing and it was just yeah, I mean, it's not, it's not something it's not my story to tell, because it's definitely you know his, but I just found that that the part that I'll say about that is that it made everything harder, because when you're a mum, you want to put your I put my kids first. I always have, and that just added like salt to the wound, I suppose.

Megs Gibson:

And so the dark nights of the soul that you have as you go through something like this was too easy.

Megs Gibson:

Listen there's never, really a powerful metamorphosis in life without experiencing the dark night of the soul and I had a lot of those, especially around him, fast forwarding to give you, to give you the end of that story. Like he's 19 now and he is him, and I have reached a point where, yeah, we, we understood what happened, like we understand each other. We still have. You know he's, we're alike. We're a lot more alike than I want to admit, to be honest.

Megs Gibson:

He's very ambitious, he's. He likes to as well like he doesn't like to be tied down. So there's a lot of similarities to us. But I always put what he wanted before what I wanted, and when he didn't want to be under my roof, that that was really hard for me, that I had to let it go. And now you know, now we can have conversations that are a lot more effective and he can see that I'm happy, he sees that I'm happy. So a lot of the conversations we have now around the fact that you know as hard as it was, I think that he learned something watching me go through that and come out on top.

Sonny Von Cleveland:

I think when you have a parent that is living an authentic life and has an authentically and often uncomfortable conversations with their kids, it helps the kids to grow and it's and while it may be difficult in the moment, it's setting such a good example for those kids to grow into because that, whether, even if it hurts or they don't like it, they're going to grow into that and they're going to they're going to apply that same characteristic to the thing You've mentioned aligning decisions with your core values in personal vision. Can you delve deeper into what these core values are and how they've shaped your life?

Megs Gibson:

I sure can. So one of the things that I've really found fascinating about human behavior is that we actually are who we unconsciously or subconsciously because unconscious or asleep so subconsciously are who we're going to be before we're 20. Like we have yeah, like we. When I do this work, I help other people uncover their values, and when we uncover it, we go right back and we look at where they made decisions and why they made decisions and how they responded to things, and most of the time we actually uncover those values in the darkest parts of our life, because that's where we tend to learn more. We learn more from things not going well than we do. Sure, diversity reads experience right.

Megs Gibson:

Like, we don't always know we don't always know why we, why something worked out, so if we, if it doesn't work out, and then we figure it out. That's where more learning is. So I like some of my cool values, like the, the main ones, self expression is a big one for me.

Megs Gibson:

It's very good I you know I and that means something different to me than it made other people, but for me it's like being able to express yourself in a way that feels good to you and have it be okay, absolutely. You know I've been told so many times that I'm too much, more so over the last few years when I found my, found my voice and started trying on this. You know, this new coat, if you will, I'm too much, I'm a lot.

Megs Gibson:

You know I'm okay with that now Because people who are okay with that love they love me for that and I don't have to not be it just to keep them happy or comfortable, and I did that for a really, really, really long time, and so now that is a very, very strong value of mine, because if I'm not able to do that, I'm completely out of alignment with the situation or the person or whoever it is that's making me feel that way. So that's a big one for me. Another big one for me is personal responsibility. Like I believe that we are 100% in our choices, make us who we are, so we're 100% 50% responsible for our choices.

Megs Gibson:

We make them and we always have one, whether we like, think we don't or not, we always every single moment of every single day is a choice.

Sonny Von Cleveland:

Yeah, everything we do.

Megs Gibson:

And I know things happen to people where they feel like they they don't have a choice in it happening, but we do have a choice about how we respond to it. How we respond to it, you know, and so that's where we really start to uncover the depth of a person, because everyone responds to things differently.

Megs Gibson:

Everyone like two people could make the same choice, but it could turn out very differently based on how they come at that, or how they respond but yeah, and so personal responsibility is a big one for me, because I feel like and it's not, and you'll notice, I say personal responsibility, not just responsibility, because there are things that we don't have to take responsibility for, and some people take responsibility for everything and then that's just being a martyr, right, that's just like it's not actually helpful to anybody. So I say my value is personal responsibility, because I am responsibility for my person, I'm responsible for the choices that affect me, and you know, that's why I say that that's that's the value that I have, and so that's also a really big one, because if we're going to create our life, we're going to become the creator of our life or acknowledge the fact that we are, then we have to realize that we are personally responsible for the choices that are making that life what it is.

Sonny Von Cleveland:

And you know what. It's a really freeing thing when you learn that accountability, when you, when you take responsibility for the way you respond to something or the choices that you make. It's freeing, it's empowering, right, because then you know that you're firmly in the driver's seat and I think it's one of the most freeing things in the world. I love that. You also mentioned reading your own words in a journal helped you to face your feelings. What was the most poignant and defining entry that you remember writing Can?

Sonny Von Cleveland:

you pick one out. Do you have like that moment I?

Megs Gibson:

can directly related to what we just said. So I I remember writing down all the things that I was upset about, that had like all the things that were happening in my relationship that I was upset about. I just wrote it all down, like threw it all on the page literally, and I did this for like a couple of weeks. And the interesting thing is that when I read that back because when you write things down, it comes out of your head, it becomes tangible, it becomes something that you can self reflect on and that you can learn from, and then you can be intentional about what choice you make afterwards. Like I believe that Otherwise, if it's rattling around, rattling around, rattling there's never has any solidity. So it's just a you know a mess in there and it can create a lot of emotional anxiety and all the things.

Megs Gibson:

So getting that stuff out on the page and writing down all the things I was angry at him for and all the things that were he was doing and like all these things, and when I read it back I was like wow, like then hold that in. But where's my part in that? Like I, haven't even I realized that you were blaming, blaming yeah.

Sonny Von Cleveland:

Right, yeah, yeah. And so that's where the personal responsibility started to come into play, as, as you're reading it, you're like this is all an excuse. I'm blaming my unhappiness on the other person.

Megs Gibson:

Don't want to look at what's true.

Sonny Von Cleveland:

And that was a breakthrough moment for you.

Megs Gibson:

Yeah, big breakthrough moment for me, because then I have like, okay, so that's all fine, but I, what am I doing about that? And have I sit like I have I even said those things? No, they're just up here, and so I get them out and then you read them back. You can almost rehearse what you're going to do about it. You have that opportunity to do that. If you don't write it down and I was just you can imagine, if that was a conversation where I was projecting that instead, how that would have went.

Sonny Von Cleveland:

Emotions come into play and you don't recall what you wanted to say, because emotions can bring your mind gets jumbled and then things get lost in translation, and that's how arguments take place.

Sonny Von Cleveland:

And then when anger gets infused into a conversation, it's you might as well just throw it out the window, Cause it's pretty much irrelevant once anger comes in. You did say that. Well, you haven't said here, so for those that are listening, I've done my homework. I just want people to know that you talk about Mel Robbins and Jordan Peterson that have how they've influenced your journey. Are there any specific teachings or books from them that made the most significant impact on your life?

Megs Gibson:

Yes, oh yes, I love Mel I. She is somebody and I've watched her grow over the last few years because I've been in the thick of this journey myself. And it's funny because she's gone from strength to strength. And when I first started reading her books, one of the first books she wrote that I read was called the 54321. It was like the five second rule, sorry that's what it was called 54321. So it was all around taking action. You'll love it. Actually, you really should read it.

Megs Gibson:

But it's like you know, she came up with this five second rule for getting out of bed cause she was someone who pushed snooze over and, over, and, over and over again and she did the research around how pushing snooze actually affects our mental health Like our physical health.

Sonny Von Cleveland:

I did need a good look.

Megs Gibson:

It's so good. So we have like a I can't remember what she calls it now, but it has like a. You'll feel tired around two o'clock. It was like I can't remember the word, it's lost me but you'll push, snooze, push snooze, push snooze, push snooze, and then you know you finally get out of bed and then you have this lag later in the day. Where that hits you, there's a term that she gives it. It's sorry I can't remember it now, but I remember Like I am, so I have ADHD.

Sonny Von Cleveland:

Are you a snooze pusher?

Megs Gibson:

I have ADHD. I'm going to say this publicly. Like I know, I haven't been diagnosed, but I know that I do.

Sonny Von Cleveland:

Oh me too, so I'm surprised we're not talking about, like, who are hoops and basketballs Right?

Megs Gibson:

like I can be all over the place when it comes to being focused. I can be. I can do many, many things at the same time, and sometimes I'll achieve all those things and sometimes I'll achieve nothing. And so, knowing that about yourself again, awareness, right. Knowing that about yourself, I looked for things to kind of become more productive, which is how I found this book. So she also has ADHD herself, but she said that you know you need to just do it. Like we procrastinate so much over things, we could have done so much more in the timeframe.

Megs Gibson:

Now, I was just relevant to the question you asked. You know why is it something that I found that I got a lot of value out of this journey is because there's so many times where I would again go back to my old people pleasing tendencies, not put myself first, not do it, because there would be too much time between me thinking about doing it and actually doing it or not, and in that space of time I would consider everybody else and the effect of everybody else, and you know what I mean. And so this five, four, three, two, one. It was like okay, you've made the choice, you're gonna do it, so you better do it within five seconds or you're probably not gonna do it because you're gonna talk yourself out of it and someone that has ADHD and I've had it my whole life.

Sonny Von Cleveland:

I totally relate to this because I'm the same way, right Like I will. I have a thousand things going on and I've come to find if I sit in and try to analyze it or think about it, I waste more time thinking about what I want to do than actually doing it, and so you just go and which can end up with you know, I got 50,000 things on my plate because I just start firing off. But I think for people like us, it works right Like I find order in that chaos and if I have a thousand things going on.

Sonny Von Cleveland:

I'm comfortable, and I'm comfortable being uncomfortable. You know what I mean, because it's an uncomfortable thing. So jump into something a little more positive. You found love relatively quickly, and found the love of your life unexpectedly, and can you tell us about that first meeting and what was it that made you so certain about it?

Megs Gibson:

I don't know if it happened quickly, because it's like four years that I would sing on my own four, but when?

Sonny Von Cleveland:

I no, I don't mean right after your other relationship. I mean you guys had a relatively quickly right after the meeting.

Megs Gibson:

Oh, got you. You kind of knew.

Megs Gibson:

Got you right. Yes, I did a lot of work in between, which is why I knew so. You know, I did have another relationship in between that was shorter, but that wasn't right, and I learned a lot about what I didn't want there. And I learned a lot about what I didn't want while I was married as well, I suppose. But the work that I did in between to really get clear on my Like how I want my values to be reflected back to me in a relationship, Like how I want to show up in my next relationship what I would put up with, what I wouldn't put up with, you know they say, like what you step over, you accept right.

Sonny Von Cleveland:

Sure.

Megs Gibson:

I wanted to be really clear. I actually made a list.

Sonny Von Cleveland:

Oh, you wrote it down Type A.

Megs Gibson:

I did write it down, I did.

Sonny Von Cleveland:

And she made herself a list.

Megs Gibson:

Now I got coached on making this list. I actually got myself a coach and she's amazing. I'm gonna have her on my show in a couple of months. But she helped me make this list based on who I am, what I want, what I don't want. And when I met Luke we met through a friend it was unexpected and we both will talk about it now and say that we just knew. I don't know what it was, we just knew it's energy, right and in a confidence that comes from being in a position where you're like I'm happy to be by myself, like, if I have to be, I would rather be by myself than not have the things on that list.

Megs Gibson:

I think that's called standard, and it's a standard, Correct yeah.

Megs Gibson:

If I can't have those five things, am I non-negotiables? Like, if I can't have those, then I'm not gonna have anything and I love myself enough that I'll just hang out with me. And, funnily enough, who's at the same place in his journey as well, like he'd done a lot of work in the six months prior to that, and so we met at this time where we were both at that place, where we were just, you know, it's either gonna be or not gonna be, and I also made a decision that I was getting sick of being told that I was too much and I was just gonna be too much. I'm just gonna be everything that I am.

Sonny Von Cleveland:

You're gonna have to accept this. Here's what I bring to the table. As long as you can handle type A personality ADHD, I do a million things and I will hold five jobs down. Don't think that I won't Right, and it's going well then. Yeah.

Megs Gibson:

Yeah, so the great thing is that he got to act Like here's the thing that happens when you like that Is that they get to meet you. There's no pretending, there's no covering up anything, and then you just get to keep being that, because if they love that, then you don't have to. It's the most freeing thing ever, and so, again, like I said earlier, you give everyone around you permission to do the same, and he's already there. Right and we're doing that.

Sonny Von Cleveland:

It's dynamically mutual relationship where you empower each other. I mean it's.

Megs Gibson:

And so then there's vulnerability.

Sonny Von Cleveland:

There's freedom.

Megs Gibson:

There's all the things that need to be there in order to really Authentic conversation. Yeah, hard conversations are not, You're not afraid to have that right.

Sonny Von Cleveland:

You're not afraid to have uncomfortable conversation because there's trust right?

Megs Gibson:

Hey, absolutely. And the other thing that's really important to note about this meeting as well is that the first one of the first sort of deeper conversations that we had was the same day was about our children, and we're both kids first, like that is the filter that we view the world through, because we're parents. And so he's got four and I've got three, so we've got seven together. So it's fun.

Sonny Von Cleveland:

There's always something going on, toys, with the idea of doing like a Brady Bunch intro, and then your Hollywood name would be what Legs, legs, legs, see, legs, legs. I like it.

Megs Gibson:

Well, we actually call ourselves the Briggs-y Bunch because his last name is Briggs, and so we beat the Brady Bunch. We were barely at six. I like it we barely at six. It sounds like an.

Sonny Von Cleveland:

Australian reality show, the Briggs-y Bunch. I love it. Good thing you look so happy and that is inspirational, right, and so that's why we wanna emphasize these things here, because that choice that you made, the effect of that was happiness, and I mean, look at you, you're living your best life and you're happy. If there's anyone out there that's listening on the cusp of making like a really difficult choice, what's the one thing that you would tell them?

Megs Gibson:

Be brave but, most importantly, choose you. So you know because I'm the most loyal person you'll ever meet which was the beautiful thing that came out of being a people pleaser, because there's good things about that right.

Sonny Von Cleveland:

Self-care is not selfish.

Megs Gibson:

I'm the most loyal person you'll ever meet. But if you can't be loyal to yourself first, you're gonna run out of juice. Can't serve from an empty cup. Gotta choose you. So when you're making that choice, always remember that you are not. The most important relationship that you have in your life is the one that you have with yourself.

Sonny Von Cleveland:

Part, 100%, that's. I couldn't have said it better myself, megs, tell these people where they can find you If they wanna do some further research and check you out. You have some amazing things that you do, so go ahead and tell us where we can find you and how they can get in touch.

Megs Gibson:

So that's the best way to get in touch with me is just to like, go to my website and, first of all, you know, get to know me a little bit, because that's my what do you call it? My virtual home, home on the interwebs. But if you are interested in having a chat with me, you can book a call. I do offer my time because I feel like if you're gonna work with a coach or if you're gonna work with somebody, you need to make sure that you're a person. It's just, it's no different than any other relationship, so we need to make sure that I'm the one that's gonna be able to navigate that journey for you through. You know, whatever it is that you're working through, so that would be the best place. It's freed2bucom and it's freed with aD, and there's a reason for that.

Sonny Von Cleveland:

Free to be youcom. I love it. I love it. Meg's such an incredible individual. Thank you so much for being on the show and being the first ever guest on the Choice Effect the perfect, that could have picked a better guest.

Megs Gibson:

Oh, that's such a nice thing to say and I am honored to be here. It's been amazing. I love what you do. I think that you know this space is such a it's such a collaborative space. It's a great place to tell stories and that's where I think people you know really learn. They learn from others, so I keep having it.

Sonny Von Cleveland:

I agree. I think it's inspirational to see when people make choices and they own it and they have the life that they want. That's the goal. Thank you so much and we will talk to you again soon. Have a great day.

Megs Gibson
Choosing Myself and Overcoming Challenges
Impacted Relationship and Core Values
Self-Reflection, Personal Responsibility, and Finding Love
The Power of Choosing Yourself

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